I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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