I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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