Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
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I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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