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dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She even gives head with a lisp.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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