i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God, I missed his penis.
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