This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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