When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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