My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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