I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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