i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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