Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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