i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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