It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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