my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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