i don't like sucking hair
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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