how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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