He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
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the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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