The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize