Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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