I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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