You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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