i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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