Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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