I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have feelings that need drinking.
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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