I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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