i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The adults are the big ones right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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