hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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