I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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