Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize