woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
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I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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