chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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