it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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