Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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