if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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