I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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