for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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