Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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