But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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