I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize