You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize