I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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