I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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