I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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