Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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