Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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