2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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