fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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