Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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