Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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