are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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